Build resilience and resourcefulness in your life.

When faced with adversity in life, how do you cope or adapt? 

Why do some people seem to bounce back more quickly than others? 

Resilience is the process of being able to adapt in the face of considerable stress — such as family and relationship problems, health problems or workplace and financial stressors. Resilience is, briefly put, the ability to “bounce back” from difficult experiences. 

The American Psychology Association points out that research has shown that resilience is an ordinary competency that is commonly demonstrated by people, rather than an extraordinary ability. 

Being resilient does not necessarily mean that you are not experiencing difficulty or distress. Resilience is not a trait that people either have or do not have. It involves behaviour, thoughts and actions that anyone can learn to develop.

Here are a few ways to build resilience :

Mindfulness means focusing on unfolding reality, rather than letting your thoughts be dominated by the past, present, or future. How do we practice mindfulness? You can compare it to building up muscle tissue. However, there are many different methods that do this. There is, however, one thing they all have in common: the “muscles” you are training must be used!

Exercise: The ‘three-minute breathing space’ exercise can be performed quickly in between the many other things that fill your busy day :

You can listen to this podcast I have recorded whenever you feel tense. It is a simple and effective way to calm yourself down, both physically and mentally. Also, this will also give you a taste of one of the exercises included in the 8-week Mindfulness training program.

Self-awareness is the cornerstone on which our emotional intelligence is founded. The ability to monitor our emotions and thoughts from one moment to the next is the key to understanding ourselves better, being at peace with who we are and proactively managing our thoughts, emotions, and behaviour.

Exercise: Create some space for yourself. When you are in a dark room without windows, it is fairly difficult to see things clearly. The space you create for yourself is that crack in the wall where you allow light to come through. Leave yourself some time and space every day – perhaps first thing in the morning or half an hour before going to bed, when you stay away from the digital distractions and spend some time with yourself, reading, writing, meditating, and connecting with yourself.

Just as you would seek assistance to tend to an acute physical injury, alleviate symptoms of pain, and take steps to ensure recovery, the same is true when you are facing an emotional or psychological challenge or obstacle. And just as the human body often displays incredible ingenuity in its capacity to mend itself, the mind and heart can be incredibly resilient. We just have to help them along!

Below are some tips for taking care of yourself and engaging your resilience. Please feel free to use whatever ideas you find most useful and continue to make use of your own coping mechanisms.

Physical self-care: 

• Get enough sleep.  
• Get regular physical activity. 
• Regularly eat well-balanced meals.
• Reduce your alcohol and caffeine intake.

Emotional self-care: 

• Explore your emotions as a source of information. 
• Become aware of your inner voice or inner critic.
• Learn to acknowledge yourself and your needs.
• Self-acceptance: being beautiful means being who you are. You don’t need to be accepted by others; you need to be accepted by yourself (Thich Nhat Hanh).
• Give yourself time to heal and renew.

Social self-care: 

• Social engagement to keep you from feeling isolated.
• Set limits, if necessary, when others are too demanding of your time or energy. 
• Be nurtured and let yourself be cared for by your loved ones.
• Rely on your friends, your family and your community for support.

Spiritual self-care: 

• Spend time in nature.
• Allow the values that are important to you become ingrained in your daily life.
• Deepen your access to your unique gifts.
• Develop the habit of gratitude.

Think of resilience like taking a raft trip down a river. You may encounter rapids, bends, slow water and shallows. Just like in real life, the changes you experience affect you in different ways as you make your way towards your goal.

When navigating a river, it helps to have some knowledge about it – perhaps based on past experience. Your journey should be guided by a plan; a strategy that you believe will work for you.

Perseverance and confidence in your ability to work your way around the many different obstacles are important. You can gain courage and insight by successfully navigating your way through white water. Trusted companions who accompany you on the journey can be especially helpful when dealing with rapids, upstream currents and other difficult stretches of the river.

You can climb off to take a break on the riverbanks from time to time, but to reach the end of your journey you will need to get back on the raft and proceed onwards.

Resilience can be defined as the ability to keep going in a crisis situation. It is the sum of coping, adaptation and positive growth. As shown by the Chinese characters for crisis, hard times will bring you not only fresh challenges, but new opportunities. The Japanese say resilience is like “a willow tree that bends in the storm but does not break”.

The American Psychology Association : https://www.apa.org/helpcenter/road-resilience.aspx